why do cheetos always look like penises
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
