they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this hospital has no fireball
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
