Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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