he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
