Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
