I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
