Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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