Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
