census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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