I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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