I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
