found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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