it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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