Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
