There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My penis needs a shock collar
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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