We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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