Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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