No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
