someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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