Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
