I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
