I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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