You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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