at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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