why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
