Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
