if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
These tits shall not be calmed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
