I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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