literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
