My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
