You really coming over, don't trick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
