You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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