I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The power of my boobs compel you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
