cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
