dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
