First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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