ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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