its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
