WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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