Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
