Yo dont text me then not text me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
