I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
