i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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