i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
