Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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