her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
