Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
