is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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