I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
