Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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