I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
