The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
