all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
