2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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