This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
