woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
