Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
