Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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