I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
