the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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