There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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