i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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