living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
