Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize