operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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