did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
