So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
