We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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