we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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