Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
