Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
