I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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