i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
