I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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