Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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