i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
