You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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