There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
