Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
