How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
