so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize